Veto

My kids vetoed the matching bug costumes I purchased and insisted on going as witches. I have boy-girl twins. They have not been introduced to the words "wizard" or "warlock" - hence they are both in dresses. It isn't the first time.

Update RBoC

Just a few things that have been going on while I have not been blogging:

• I've become addicted to PackRat on Facebook. It's Addy's fault, really.
  
  
• I've also become obsessed with RealClearPolitics. I have only myself to blame.
  
  
• My mother was quite disappointed Hillary did not get the Democratic nomination. I was worried she was going to vote for McCain. She lived in Arizona from 1976 until May of this year, and generally felt positively towards McCain. Sarah Palin took care of all that. Yesterday, my mom voted for Obama. In Florida.
  
  
• My conservative cousin who is turning 36 this month voted for Obama a few days ago. He has never voted before. Ever. He lives in Texas, though, so no help there.
  
  
• My mom is a victim of the mortgage crisis. More on this later.
  
  
• I went to a CUR (Council on Undergraduate Research) workshop as a member of a team from my institution. It was fantastic.
  
  
• We hired fabulous adjuncts this year. Awesome.
  
  
• Three comics I like about work, life and woo.
  
  
• A little vignette from my house, while trying to convince the kids to get dressed:
  
  

  
  Dr. H: Hey, who don't you both wear your kitty shirts? Then you can be twins!
  
  Curie: We're ALREADY twins.

  
  

  
  
  

In the restroom at a salad bar restaurant

Take four year old boy-girl twins, the use of proper formal terminology, and a current fascination with imagination and things either really big or really small, and this is what happens. (As related to me by Dr. H. after taking our daughter, Curie, to go potty.)

Curie: Boys have penises

Dr. H.: Yes.

Curie: But girls don't have penises.

Dr. H.: Yes, that's true.

Curie: But girls can pretend to have penises!

Dr. H.: Um, I guess so, yes.

Curie: I have a penis!

Dr. H.: Okay.

Curie: I have a really big penis!

Dr. H.: Okaaay.

Curie: It reaches all the way to the door!

No word on what the other patrons in the restroom thought of this interaction.

Ill equipped

Recently, I've been wondering if I would have a four year old still in diapers. Everyone says boys take longer, but the summer and that four year mark is coming up fast.

Fortunately, I'm now feeling optimistic. A week and a half ago we had a breakthrough, and now Dalton is going to the potty quite often.

This is all great news.

After starting this process somewhat late, he seems to be forging right ahead into new territory. For the last few days, he has been insisting on peeing standing up.

I feel totally unprepared, and completely ill equipped to deal with this.

Dalton: "I'm going to pee in the potty standing up!"

Me: "Uh, okay. Are you sure you don't want to sit down?"

Dalton: "Yeah! I'm going to stand up!"

Me: "Okay"

I leave and say to Dr. H. "I have absolutely no idea what to do. You go."

Maybe I just need a little more time to adjust to the idea.

Multiple Madness - $218

This weekend was my mothers of multiples club. Like most multiples clubs, mine holds two sales a year. This is really the only event in my club I take part in on a regular basis. Some of the more frequent events are geared towards stay at home moms, like playgroups and outings. I do attend the occasional meeting and discussion group, but I always participate in resale, even if it is only to shop.

Friday night, I broke last Fall's record and spent $218.





Not bad for 30 pairs of pants, 12 shirts, 4 two piece outfits, 3 winter jackets, 5 light jackets, 4 pairs of boots, 2 pairs of shoes, 2 pairs of snowpants, 2 scarves, 2 Halloween costumes, 2 dresses, 4 bags of socks (about 40-50), a step 2 outdoor angel rocker-fish, 2 kid-sized ride-in/on cars, 2 games, 1 box of tinkertoys, 1 pretend weedwacker, and assorted small toys. No clothes shopping needed for six months or so.

Almost Wish I Had Been There

Reactants:

• 2 preschoolers
  
• 2 Trader Joe's kids' shopping carts
  
• 1 pyramid of plastic juice bottles
  

Products:

• 1 big mess
  
• 1 embarrassed father
  
• n exceptionally kind staff members
  

When Geeks Marry Geeks

I had an epiphany yesterday: When our daycare providers try to give us advice, my husband (Dr. H) and I react in very different ways. He listens. I get defensive. He enjoys asking other people for advice about such subjects. I prefer books. Or blogs. Or magazines. Basically, I like asynchronicity.

I'm just as prone to parental anxieties as the next person about most things. However, right now I'm a little annoyed that our main daycare provider has just totally stressed out my husband.

Dalton hasn't been eating very well there recently. He has also been sort of zoned out at times - especially the last week or so. Our daycare provider has previously shared her concern that Dalton sometimes doesn't join in with the group and just goes off and does his own thing. She's now apparently concerned about his nutrition level and that this somehow is affecting his behavior. She was clever enough to share this with Dr. H. instead of me.

The reasons I'm annoyed are many, but the first thing is that Dalton has had a cold for the last 1.5 weeks or so. I had it first. The main symptom? Lethargy and lack of appetite.

I'm also more than a little annoyed at her having such a problem with my son's behavior. I want to scream at her "Have you noticed that his parents are TOTAL GEEKS?" and "Do you think that this only shows up in adulthood?" Call me crazy, but I think (a) having two parents who went to engineering undergraduate schools, (b) specialized in the most math-based areas of their chosen fields in grad school and who (c) love video games might just be relevant here.

The truth is, Dalton is very social and interactive when he wants to be. He has empathy and he also understands how to piss his twin sister off when he wants to. He often talks about wanting to see his relatives and knows who they are on site (grandma, grandpa and nana, cousins, etc) even when he hasn't seen them in a long time. This is not a kid with social issues. This is just a kid who prefers figuring out a door mechanism to circle time on occasion.

My conversation with Dr. H. went something like this:

Dr. H: I'm just worried about him

Me: He's fine!

Dr. H: Well what if his behavior is something we're...

Me: We just spent the weekend at your sister's house. She's a child psychologist, remember? If there was anything to be concerned about don't you think she'd tell us?

Dr. H: Well, I guess so.

Me: She would. I've asked her like 20 times if she would tell us if she was concerned and she promises she would.

Dr. H: Yeah, okay, but...

Me: He's fine!

and so on...

In any case, I don't think I succeeded in completely allaying his fears, but I hope he has relaxed a little. Our daycare provider is otherwise great, by the way. In principle, I agree she should share her concerns of this sort with us. I just don't like hearing them.

Anyway, what should be more surprising is how on earth Dr. H. and I were able to produce a child as socially aware as Curie.

Favorite Twin Parenting Comeback

Question: Do twins run in your family?

Me: No, infertility does.

Gender Bender

Recently, my son said "Mommy, I wanna wear the kitty underwear!"

By kitty, he meant the Hello Kitty (TM) girls underwear purchased for my daughter.

I paused for about three seconds. Then I cheerily said "Sure!"

I'm not proud that I paused. I think pink is for girls is a silly and unfortunate rule. I think it is silly that toddler underwear is gendered at all. Moreover, I have no problem with crossdressing - or behavior or dress that crosses gendered lines. Really. Reversed gender roles are quite common in our house and among our coupled friends. Androgyny, especially in dress, seems popular among our friends as well. And we have a friend or three who crossdress on occasion. One of my favorite comments at a party held by us was: "He wears those with the panache of a man who's worn garters before." But I digress.

So, back to my son. I do not really have a problem with him wearing girls underwear. But still, I paused. Why? Is it just overwhelming social conditioning? Am I giving myself too much credit to hope that part of the pause was practical - I mean, perhaps I was concerned that we have a limited amount of kitty underwear? After all, if both kids want to wear it we'll run out faster. But alas, I probably cannot let myself off that easy. I am pleased to say that we now have plenty of kitty underwear to go around. Also, as luck would have it, my daughter now wants to wear the choo-choo-train underwear. (Thomas, nominally for boys, in case there was any doubt.)

The vast majority of the differences I see in my son and daughter, I believe are due to them being totally different people. Maybe some of it is gender, but I don't know how much. Little, I suspect. I do think a fascinating question is this: To what extent do the genders differ, and how much is DNA and how much is society? My husband even does research on such things.

Where my children are concerned, I would like them to grow up in an environment where their genes/inherent personalities are allowed to express themselves, and are less burdened with societal-enforced gender roles. Given that we live in a society where children are bombarded with gendered messages constantly, what can I do? Having a girl and a boy at the same time helps. All toys are everyone's toys at this stage, so there is no problem. As they get older, this will be more problematic, especially where gifts are concerned. My hippy sister-in-law and I get along in part because I am the relative that buys her daughter cars instead of dolls. Gifts from her are no problem. But what to do about my mother?

Case in point: When my twins were about 5 months old, Dalton was trying out yelling while throwing things from his exersaucer.

My mother: He's such a boy! From the moment he was born....

Me: What do you mean?

My mother: Well, Dalton has always been loud. Much louder than Curie. You know, yelling like a boy, right from the beginning.

Me: What are you talking about? He was quiet. His cries sounded like "La La La". Curie, now she demanded attention, loudly. Forcefully, at the top of her lungs: Whaaa!

My mother: Really? Well, I seem to remember Dalton being the loud one.

Me: No [then to myself only: No no no no NO!]

Now, I have my own faults in this regard. We have some gender specific clothes. Curie has long hair and shoes with butterflies. Dalton has short hair and shoes without butterflies. The hairstyles seem to suit them, the shoes fit, and their father has long hair, so I'm cutting myself some slack here. But, I'm going to try my darnedest to burden them with little more than butterflies.

The recent brouhaha over The Dangerous Book for Boys has certainly got everyone riled up. I don't even know where to start, but here is a "for" from Tertia and an "against" from Raising WEG.

Me, all I have to say is "No no no no NO!"

Hopefully, no one will buy it for Dalton for his birthday. Just something with kitties.

Partial Success

One toddler used the potty today three times. Twice by announcing first, then going. Once by starting accidentally, then stopping, then finishing in the potty. Perhaps this is the beginning of the end of an era.

Update: Make that five times for one, once for the other!

Not the Motherly Type

Recently I ran into an adjunct from another department right before her class. She was freaking out about finding a VCR for the new classroom she just moved into. I told her she was in a smart room (hate that phrase - more on that some other time). Well, that did not suffice to calm her down - she doesn't have a key to the console and doesn't know how to use the equipment. I helped her out, in the 5 minutes before our classes began, as my students swarmed around me in search of the density of olive oil. Have you heard of Google people?

In any case, she came to my office after class, effusive in her thanks. It's really okay, I tell her. No big deal.

She sees a picture of my kids and says she doesn't know how I leave them. She tells me she only picked up her career again once all her kids were in school. It must be so hard for me to leave them.

Well, surprisingly no. Millions of men don't seem to feel guilty about this, why should women? Of course, I should point out that I have fantastic day care that I am very satisfied with. On the few occasions where I had different arrangements, it was hard. This leads me to wonder a few things: Is the guilt women feel about leaving children in daycare social conditioning (feeling what we are told we should feel)? Is it uneasiness with the particular day care arrangement? Is it our own particular situation? (I have on good authority that I am not the first parent of twins to take a deep breath after dropping them off, for example.)

Or perhaps in my case the answer is simpler As good friend and colleague once told me, I am "just not the motherly type.''